This Election Just Proves What I Already Believed

I hate to say I told you so, but here we are. Kamala Harris’s loss will go down in history as a catastrophe that could have easily been avoided if more people had thought whatever I happen to think.

Take immigration. It’s a major issue, and I believe that the Harris campaign should have tacked to the left on it instead of trying to beat Republicans at their own messaging. Except I also think that Democrats should be trying harder to appeal to conservative rural voters who worry that immigration is out of control. Doing both of these things at once would have been so simple. And yet.

I hate to sound smug, but this was totally predictable if you happen to share whatever my exact world view is.

Then there’s the economy. Some people say it’s bad and that’s why she lost. Other people say it’s good but not enough people know it’s good and that’s why she lost. Unfortunately, I am the only voter who is smart enough to believe both.

Just look at the polling. Americans want to fight climate change in a way that doesn’t disrupt our current system, which fuels climate change. Democrats need to start speaking to these people!

And Liz Cheney? Kamala never should have campaigned with her. But also she should have campaigned way more with her, and they should have got matching tattoos and competed as a team on “The Amazing Race.” One thing you can’t deny: whatever thing I think, I was right.

The list of issues I was correct about goes on and on. Guns? Harris owns too many, but also not enough. Tim Walz? He was a terrible choice, but also the best choice. Charlotte? Kamala should have changed her first name to that, except, hold on, doing so would have made no sense.

When you look at things from my perspective and no one else’s, it all becomes clear.

There’s sure to be a lot of finger-pointing among Democrats in the coming months. But one thing is certain—Democrats need to have a bold, progressive vision for the future that does not alienate voters who dislike things that are bold, progressive, or visions for the future.

We’re just begging to lose again if we don’t do this.

In the meantime, the Party has a lot of soul-searching to do. How are we going to win back pro-labor voters? I ask this based not on data, which I am too intelligent to actually look up, but on a vague feeling I have that we need to win back pro-labor voters. Similarly, when will we start directly addressing the concerns of affluent suburban families while at the same time not worrying about those families and instead going all in on disaffected, left-wing youth?

And why aren’t we talking more about Social Security? Unless we should actually be talking less about Social Security? These are the questions that Democrats need to be asking themselves.

This is not the first time I’ve been right. When Barack Obama was elected President in 2008, it proved what I believed, which is that running left of center is a winning strategy. When he won again, in 2012, it backed up my belief that Mitt Romney was weird and off-putting. When Donald Trump won in 2016, I was once again vindicated because I argued something that I now forget but which undeniably made sense at the time—you had to be there, I guess. And in 2020 my being-correct streak continued as Biden swept into office with over all less hair than he had in the nineteen-eighties, as I predicted he would.

You’ve got to hand it to observers who are me and no one else. We totally saw this coming. Take notice, fellow-Democrats. All that’s left for us to do is to pick up the pieces and learn some tough lessons that reaffirm whatever thing we already believed. You know, the way we always do. ♦